i just wanna soil my oats bro
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
