Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's shark week go big or go home
The power of my boobs compel you
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
