Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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