mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
