no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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