I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
