So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
