When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
