She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
