You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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