your room smells of hookers.
And success
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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