i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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