I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
its not stalking. its research.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
