Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
