she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
