Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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