The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
