when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
