very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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