Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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