Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
