Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
