so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
