those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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