A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
