Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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