i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
