Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
