I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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