Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize