Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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