Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
