im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
