i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i think i scared a bird with my dick
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hands were made for my vagina.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize