Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
