In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
