I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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