so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
