mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
