Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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