Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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