Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
