Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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