Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
