whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
