We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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