He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
