i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
