I just made out with a guy for $7.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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