He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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