I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
