we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
