If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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