After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
