if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
