so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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