So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
