last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
