You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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