She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
