Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
