Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
