i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He did a backflip because drugs
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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