Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
