cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
