I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
