i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
