And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
