holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
