I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
