So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
how does that bad decision feel?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
