You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
