Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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