I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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