This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
